Melancholy

I sung a song this morning and all of a sudden, I felt my eyes wet. I have to fight hard not to cry because I was standing at the bus stop with people passing by. I was waiting for the bus, for all sake! I don’t know why I felt that way. But I did.

I don’t remember the title of the song. Is there any song called “the greatest love of all”? I don’t really know, but it has that phrase in the lyrics. Perhaps I just missed my family. I remember that on my farewell party with my big-extended family we were hiring a band just to make things more exciting. I remember that the singer sung this song. This song then brought back the memory when my stepfather sang 2 songs for me: The first of May and Words. He looked at me and sang it heartily. And I felt it. I felt the love of a father to his daughter. Something that I missed for almost 16 years. I tried not to compare my biological father with my stepfather; notwithstanding, my stepfather is the only father that I know of. I lost my biological father when I was still too young to remember, and that is why it is very difficult for me not to love my stepfather dearly. He actually loves me in the most subtle way but somehow I can feel it. I know that sometimes I made him really upset, but there are times (not too many, unfortunately) that I know that he really is proud of me. There is nothing more in the world that is more beautiful than that. The warm and fuzzy feeling of making somebody else’s happy, particularly if that somebody is the one that you love and respect most.

I know I am just being melodramatic, but somehow being away and lost in the crowd made me feel this way. And I just wish by typing this down will help me to get over it. Or Shepard can help me do that? Hmm, let us see…