new lesson

I never think of myself will experience such fear; a fear that comes not from my better judgment but from the illogical side of me. A friend told me that we learn new things everyday. And maybe now is my time to learn and experience the insecure part of me. Maybe I am insecure all along. Maybe before now it was well hidden deep within my bone marrow and now it crawls it way out and started to tell me not to ignore it anymore. What a revelation to recognize that I am not immune, that maybe I’m just as cheesy as everybody else. I’m just as scared as some people that I laughed about years or even days ago. Usually I will laugh out loud at the idea that I ever think and feel the way I’m thinking and feeling now. Thanks to Adi, I'm no longer afraid to admit that I (or maybe Adi and I) was wrong. So I better not think of it that much and enjoy the pain as the fear sinks in…

sudah lama tidak menulis

Sudah lama tidak menulis. Rindu juga ternyata. Tapi bingung mau menulis apa. Kata orang-orang untuk bisa terus produktif menulis, seorang penulis haruslah selalu gelisah karena kegelisahan itulah yang menjadi pendorongnya menulis. Saya memang bukan penulis. Tapi jeda waktu yang panjang tanpa menulis pun membuat saya bertanya-tanya. Jangan-jangan saya sudah termasuk golongan orang yang sudah kekenyangan aman tentram damai sejahtera hingga tidak lagi diusik pertanyaan-pertanyaan kecil, gugatan-gugatan atas hidup dan pernak-perniknya. Jangan-jangan perut saya yang membuncit karena kebanyakan makan dan minum soda ini juga salah satu penanda kepuasan saya. Mungkin saya sudah pula menjadi pendukung status quo. Atau malah sayalah si status quo itu? Hmmm…